You may have heard that sexual enjoyment inevitably fades away in a long marriage. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Couples who’ve been married for many years can enjoy intimacy more than when they were newlyweds.

But there are bound to be some flat spots for both. Wives who’ve enjoyed lovemaking can suddenly feel unsexy and lose interest in intimacy even though you think she’s still as lovely as when you first met.

She may, however, not feel that way about herself. You probably can’t understand how that’s possible. You still love her, and could make love to her every single day. So why has she lost interest?

Read: Is intimacy dying? Here’s how you rekindle the fire

Start by considering if medication, hormone level changes or more serious problems such as marital issues, depression or the results of childhood abuse might be reducing her sexual energy or yours. If necessary, see a doctor or a counsellor to deal with them.

Work together to improve your diet and weight, sleep well and make time to relax and enjoy each other.

It is likely that you don’t talk much these days. Talking used to mean sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings with each other. Now it’s pretty much about keeping your diaries in order.

You’ve become emotionally disconnected from each other, and so your wife’s enjoyment of intimacy will have faded away.

Make time to talk! Talk about the good things in your lives and how to improve the intimacy in your marriage.

Explain what you’re feeling, and ask her to do the same. You won’t fix everything in one go, but every discussion is a step in the right direction.

Be open, honest and encouraging. Emphasise that this is about both of you.

Your wife might feel that sex has become all about “meeting your needs”. Show her that you want intimacy to be enjoyable for both of you.

Read: Satisfying each other’s needs holds a couple together like glue

Modern society has also created an image of a “sexy woman” that’s ridiculously slim and youthful.

At some level, your wife probably believes she no longer looks attractive. Even if you tell her she is, she won’t hear you.

All those influencers are too strong to ignore.

Read: Which ingredient is your marriage missing?

She doesn’t understand that you see far more than just her physical appearance. You see her achievements, love and grace and think they make her more desirable after all those years of marriage than on the day you wed.

Tell your wife what sexy means to you, and let her know that you still think she is desirable. Keep on saying it, and eventually she’ll believe you.

Think about how your sexual responses differ. Appreciate the differences, and treat her like a woman. Don’t feel you have to hide your masculinity. It’s part of what makes you attractive to her.

So live your life enthusiastically. Nothing boosts a wife’s passion like a confident husband who loves and cares for her.

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