Charlene’s engagement party and the problem with judging other people’s choices

Last weekend, my social media timelines were awash with videos and photos of Charlene Ruto’s engagement party. There was glitz and glamour everywhere I scrolled. Such ceremonies interest me because of the culture showcase. I have learned that everything that happens during these occasions have a symbolic meaning. From the location of the ceremony to the choice of beads, all details are carefully curated to tell a beautiful story.

After I had seen enough of the photos and videos, I decided to begin scrolling through the comments to see if a benevolent self-taught cultural anthropologist had offered to explain the significance of the major symbols in the ceremony.

I was met, instead, with posts by some self-appointed designers on social media who had some unflattering things to say about Charlene’s dress. I ignored the first, then the second, then at some point I realised some people even made entire posts critiquing the dress and using that as an opportunity to invite her to employ them as their designers for a better outcome! It was that audacity for me! We have become so accustomed to looking for what we imagine is wrong with other people that we sometimes mistake madness for discernment.

Read: No matter how hard you try, some people will always find fault

Several weeks ago, I was in a taxi within Nairobi. At the Westlands roundabout, the driver was drawing my attention to what a woman crossing the road was wearing. “Huyu sasa amevaa aje?” he said, sounding like he wanted to launch into a whole conversation about what a woman he did not know was wearing.

After we went past the roundabout, I assumed whatever was biting him would have stopped, but he continued with his monologue about what that woman should have worn. “Are you sure you do not have any other problem in your life?” I asked him, when I got tired of hearing his voice rambling.

It is scary the number of assumptions we make about people we do not even know, and then decide that we can begin judging them or their choices. The taxi driver said whatever the woman was wearing was not good. I told him he could also try focusing on what was not good in his own life because he had a better chance of making real change there. He did not speak again during the remainder of our trip and I was grateful.

Read: Don't be too quick to blame others, look inwards for solutions